I am convinced I have OCD.
Or, in my case, it would actually be called CDO, because it makes me happier to have the letters in alphabetical order.
So clearly I have issues. And they’re pretty serious.
I like numbers to be in multiples of five. Probably because I’m just really not good at maths, but hey. I really like them. Multiples of five just make SENSE…
I don’t cope with repetitive noises. Think dripping tap, or a squeaky toy. Even clapping hands for too long will freeze my brain inside out. And if you drum on a tabletop in a specific rythym, or tap your foot seemingly harmlessly, I am likely to be wanting to stab you in the eye with a spoon, although you’d(hopefully) never know that from my poker face.
I need my coathangers to face the same direction. Seriously. I do. I can’t, and won’t, close the cupboard if it’s not right. And I noticed the other day that I’ve started removing the hangers that aren’t white. Gosh, here comes another compulsion..
I don’t have the hand washing compulsion. We should all be cheering here… I know I am. But I do still carry a mini hand sanitizer in my bag, which I justify because “I work with kids”(which is true, and a valid justification I feel…)
Some of my ‘OCDness’ makes me feel like a nutter, although I am still relatively bemused by this nuttiness. Hopefully that’s a healthy perspective, rather than sheer denial.
However, there are some things that I am absolutely resolutely adamant about being OCD on.
There are some elements of my life that I don’t want to have as negotiable, and I want that strong sense of OCDness to reign me in when they come up in my life.
Things like loyalty.
I want my sense of loyalty to be as fierce as my need for the hangers to face the same way in my closet.
In my character, and in my life. I want the need for me to be consistent to scream at me like the multiples of five do.
Things like faithfulness.
Living without judgement of others.
And sooooo many more…(notice I’ve put five ‘o’s there…)
I want my life to scream out at me like repetitive noises in stereo if I scrimp on any of these things. I want to stand there and struggle to ‘close the cupboard’ on the mess until I do the right thing.
I want my OCDness in the physical elements of my life to keep me set through the rest of my life too.
Why not use it to my advantage?
To pull me up.
To correct, and redirect.
To anchor me with a rod of steel in my spine.
So that there’s no option to ‘pull a swifty’, or do the dodge…