i get ‘stabby’

I wear cranky pants.

A lot. And a lot of the time.

Things irritate me a lot. And a lot of the time. I could tell you it’s ‘righteous anger’, which sometimes it is, I DO get my soap box and my very cranky pants out for injustice. In a big way. But honestly, sometimes people and situations(and traffic and cold tea and my unmade bed and a cloudy sky) can just tick me right off.

I’m ‘melancholy creative’ according to the layman’s terms of my personality test, with an IQ of 144 according to the not-so-layman terms of my IQ test. I have the paperwork that tells me these things, but I don’t even know what that MEANS. And that irritates me further. I don’t like feeling stupid. It’s one of my big IRKS.

So I get ‘stabby’. A lot. And then all I want to do is set my hair on fire and put it out with a hammer(it’s the grown up version of a tantrum). Or, even, in all honesty, someone else’s hair. Usually the person I blame for my state of stabbiness at that moment in time… because OBVIOUSLY it’s someone else’s fault. Yeah? Anybody?

So I usually default to THE CRY. I know. Fabulous response. It’s a big ‘no-no’ in grown up land. BUT I DO IT ANYWAY. I cry. Usually out of sheer rebellion. And I like it. It makes me feel better. I give myself space to feel what I’m feeling, and – I’m slowly learning – a TIME LIMIT on the wallowing permitted.

AND THEN:

I make myself go and do something for someone else. It’s usually HARD.  BUT THAT’S THE POINT.  I want to turn the tables. Shift my focus. Adjust my perspective. And the reality is, someone else will always be in a more needy place than me. Truly. I don’t even have to usually look far.

It’s uber hard. And simultaneously ridiculously easy. Sometimes I’ll HAND write a note for someone. Woah. There’s a blast from the past. I tell ya – people LOVE a handwritten note. I’ll CALL a friend JUST TO ENCOURAGE THEM. Help a mum carry a pram across a street. GIVE A HOMELESS PERSON SOME CASH(and no, I don’t think about what they’ll do with it, I just friggin do it.) I randomly pay for people’s petrol, and groceries, and it FREAKS THEM RIGHT OUT. I compliment mums on their parenting skills, and I tell older couples holding hands in the park that I’m inspired by their obvious love for each other…

There’s always something I can say, or do.

I love it. And it INSTANTLY changes ME.

Selfish? Probably. Because my intrinsic motivation is ultimately to adjust my focus so that I am not wallowing in my chaos and angst. BUT then it helps others too. So frankly I don’t give a rats whether it starts out as selfish or not.

I reckon it ends as a win all round. And I like to win.

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13 thoughts on “i get ‘stabby’

  1. No I get it. I do that too. It is as much for me as the person I am doing the RAK for. But helping someone else or making them happier, helps me get my head out of my own arse for a minute, so it’s a win-win, really. Thanks for sharing.

  2. when you are next feeling stabby.. please send a hand written note to 5/9 caronia ave, cronulla 2230.
    unless of course i am the person who caused said stabbiness. in which case forget my address entirely. i would not enjoy having my hair set alight, to be extinguished by a hammer.

  3. Hey Jo.. I hear ya.. I can be in those pants too but I am quickly reminded of the ‘bigger’ picture. There is research that shows crying is good for you so as you say do it and then move on the path of your choice – helping others, exercising or whatever that may be. And just so you know you do inspire others on a regular basis. Keep at the game of life you are doing a awesome job..

  4. Beautifully worded how I way too often feel. I see nothing wrong with helping others to make yourself feel better, especially when you are aware of your motivation and are truly helping others.

    I may (okay read do), get stabby at those who ‘help’ others to look better to other people and are not actually helping anyway.

    Nothing wrong with a good cry either, however, perhaps not so good a default in a male dominated workplace, where I promised as the only female exec to leave if they ever saw me cry – yes, I did, when pregnancy hormones won.

    Thank you for a beautiful blog, and keep on inspiring others, there are many who are learning what is possible from your example just as you are learning from those who inspire you.

  5. Good day I was fortunate to look for your Topics in google
    your post is quality
    I learn much in your Topics really thank your very much
    btw the theme of you site is really magnificentsuper
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  6. Just stumbled onto your blog via twitter , #lesserbands trivia … That’s a wonderful photo of you on your profile & blog. Great smile. Interesting you write about being a cranky pants. Would not have picked it! Good luck to you and yours. Thanks for nice blog.

  7. What an interesting person you are! Just looking at the pics on your blog gave me a sense of serenity. I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say Jo. Thanks, Lisa

  8. Pingback: don’t be a feverish clot, mkay? « .the.world.is.your.oyster.

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