Now, if you know me, you’ll know I’m never at a loss for words.
Fluffy words. Frivolous words. Light words. Laughing and bantering I can do… easily. Even blogs on words I can do.
But the REAL words. When it counts. Those are usually hard for me.
* When I know my words in a court report could determine whether a parent gets more (or less) contact with their child, that’s hard.
* When I know my words could hurt or heal my family and my friends, that’s hard.
* When I know my words are representations of my boss’ work and reputation, that’s hard.
I get ‘stage fright’. I totally freeze. Because all of those types of words are important to me. I tend to be a perfectionist, so when I feel like I’m not going to be able to say something well, I just don’t do it at all. Which is not the best option really. (Understatement)
Because they matter. Words matter. I read a quote the other day that said “be sure to taste your words before you spit them out”. Ouch. Yes. True. But it’s not only just the words themselves, how I deliver them matters too. And I’m learning that even if I fumble, with good intent, sometimes that’s better than saying nothing at all… I’m learning.
I used to get freaked out at the ‘freeze’. At the panic of my perfectionism. At the edge of the ‘I-don’t-want-to-be-wrong-so-I-won’t-even-attempt-to-be-close-to-right’.
Now, not so much…
I’ve learnt a little tactic that I quite like. Love, in fact. It takes the edge off for me(kinda like a vodka, but not at all… ahem….)
I use this phrase. When I’m at a loss for words in my reports, or a blog, or when I need Sarah to write something, I’ll insert a ‘somethin somethin’ (just. exactly. like. that.) phrase into my document where the elusive ‘tricky’ words, phrases, paragraphs are meant to go. It makes me smile. Still. Every single time I do it. And we know I do like to smile…
Then I skip on past, knowing I’ll either a) have to solve it later, or b) that Sarah will solve it… and, as you can imagine, I do like option b.
I find it takes the pressure off. For a bit. And that grace and space which I afford myself, usually means that while I’ve frolicked on past the freeze and the brain cramp panic, and I’m writing the rest of the report, or the blog, or whatever it is I’m working on, in the back of my mind I’m usually journeying to solve the ‘somethin somethin’ anyway.
Because I took the pressure off.
Voila. So simple.
And I’m thinking more and more that I should be using my ‘somethin somethin’ approach for other things in life too. To take the pressure off across the board. Give myself some space. I’m thinking I don’t always need the right answer right away… (who died and made me God anyway? Oh wait…)
So I’m relaxing into the ‘I don’t know right now, but I’ll journey a little further to figure it out’…
Which I’m learning is an ok thing to say. And to feel. And I like it.
A little ‘somethin somethin’ can go a long way….