love languages.

It’s an interesting concept.

According to Gary Chapman (and why argue with him) there are five ‘love languages’. Everybody identifies with them, but primarily with one more than the others.

These love languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

People are usually drawn to someone who ‘speaks’ a different love language to themselves. Which is soooo ‘opposites attract’ and all that jazz – until the person who feels love through quality time doesn’t understand why their partner doesn’t ‘get’ why they are always wanting them to actually turn off the telly and talk during dinner, even though they’re right next to them on the couch… and the partner, who feels love through acts of service, doesn’t ‘get’ why you picking up his laundry is such a big deal…

The theory is that if you know your love language, and can express your needs, life gets a lot simpler. Same for those around you. If you understand what makes your partner/kids/friends feel loved and appreciated, and can show them you love them in their language, life gets slightly more breezy…

Here’s a brief description of each love language, so you can work out what you are…

  • Words of Affirmation. Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important — hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
  • Quality Time. In the vernacular of quality time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby — makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
  • Receiving Gifts. Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous — so would the absence of everyday gestures.
  • Acts of Service. Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “acts of service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
  • Physical Touch. This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face — they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Mine, if we go by Gary’s list, is most definitely words of affirmation. I LOVE words. Especially affirming words. What a win! If you want something from me, words will win me over every single time.

How about you?


7 thoughts on “love languages.

  1. Pingback: Internet Marketing Affirmation of Successful Debuts of New Internet Web Sites | Internet Marketing Help

  2. I’ve just realised why I ♥ blogging so much – comments on my blog are words of affirmation. Which is so my thing….

    Jo, this summary of Gary’s book is wonderful.

    And I am giggling that we both blogged it on the same day!


  3. Agreed Lucy! Jo this is a fantastic summary of Gary’s book. I read it this time last year after a group of lovely women I work with had all read it. It was amazing how our work environment was transformed by our new awareness of one another’s ‘love language’. It also helped me to understand some family members much better – I know someone for whom receiving gifts is their number one love language… I didn’t get this about the person for sooo long (like years!) because words of affirmation & acts of service are my primary love languages………. they would give me gifts which I didnt appreciate the significance of… and I think I would offer them other things in return (like words of affirmation) and I don’t think they ‘got’ me. All that has changed now. Love this book! Thanks for posting this Jo – it has brought all that I learnt back to me. I think I need to buy my own copy of this book.
    Love your awesome xxxx

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