dancing in the minefields

I am a wanderer. The lure of the unexplored and the unknown pulls me all the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

And it’s not just in the physical, like ‘let’s go to Bora Bora because we haven’t been there’! (Although, that is one of my favourite places to do some wanderings…)

It’s in my mind. I’m often wandering off… In learning. And reading. And writing. And absorbing. And discussing. And thinking.

And I wander off within my spirit. In the ‘JUST WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON IN THE UNIVERSE?’ type stuff. Where I am free to question and grapple and contemplate. And then I come back to sit in the still quiet assurance of something waaaay bigger than me. My anchor. My rock.

I think wandering is good. I don’t want to be the person who never questions, and never explores. How will I know FOR MYSELF unless I feel and taste and see? We *NEED* to wander… and be free to wander.

And at the same time, there’s the polar opposite. The need for boundaries, and familiarity, and safety. Routine and repetition. Children need it. They thrive on repetition – yup, any mum knows this as they hit play on the SAME Wiggles dvd for the fifty thousandth time in one day – because it brings assurance. They know what’s coming next. They recognise, and can navigate accordingly, and there’s a safety in that.

Adults need it too. We need the assurance of the familiar, and the boundaries we so adamantly wish to be free of, and yet cling to at the same time.

Such is the divine tension of life.

‘I wish you’d leave me alone but I can’t live without you’. ‘I wish I was in [wherever]  but then when I’m in [wherever] I wish I was in [wherever]’. ‘I love my parents but then when I’m with them I’d like to strangle them’. ‘I want to study again, but then I curse myself when my assignments are due.’

Life. It’s like a crazy dance in a minefield. It’s a risky business. All of it. The living and the loving.

But isn’t that exactly what makes it so beautiful?

“So when I lose my way… find me.

When I loose love’s chains… bind me.

At the end of all my faith, to the end of all my days, when I forget my name… remind me.”

[Andrew Peterson]



2 thoughts on “dancing in the minefields

  1. I’m struggling with this as I move out. So many emotions towards my parents, my siblings, my friends AND my boyfriend! Ultimately, though, I realize that I thrive on independence. My relationships, in every facet, are so much better when I take time out of the day to call someone instead of seeing them around the house in the rush of the day-to-day.
    And I do need to explore, see, touch, feel for myself in order to learn. Throw at me all the advice you want… but it won’t sink in until I’ve tried and discovered and maybe failed.
    Great post, as always 🙂 You’re so full of inspiring thoughts and words…

  2. Pingback: MINXY LINKS | April 1 | No. 7 « renegade princess

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