I have issues.
I love my iphone. And my laptop.
My lovely boss pointed out (er, so, um… kindly?) that I spend a lot of time online at night. Um, yes. And particularly at the moment, at night, because I’m awake, at my other job, waiting to be able to go home… So I jump on twitter, or I answer emails, and then jump across to facebook. And back to twitter.
So I was given an ‘e-curfew’. That’s like a really bad swear word to me. This week, it’s 10pm. And next week, apparently 9pm. PANIC. Ouch. Well, I say ouch, but of my own accord, my self-imposed curfew is usually 10pm. I don’t do well with minimal sleep. I get cranky, and I feel claustrophobic. So, when it’s up to me, 10pm is a GOOD bedtime.
But at the moment, job number two doesn’t allow for 10pm curfews, and these days I’m falling into bed around 1am, six days a week.
I was quick to declare that my online-ness (it’s a word) was because of external circumstances. But essentially, lovely boss is right(how is it that I’m not even a little bit surprised. Still, don’t tell her.) and I shouldn’t actually be online. Even if I’m not actually asleep, I don’t need the online stimulus. I need ‘gentle’ at that time of night. I *should* be reading, or writing, or just winding down. A bubble bath! Novel concept. Oh wait, a NOVEL!
Last night my curfew was enforced, and I panicked. I crept over to twitter DM land, and sent a few secret DMs, but that just felt dodgy, so I stopped. Then I lurked on twitter, but it’s no fun lurking when you can’t interact, so I just went offline. Which irritated me, because it meant the e-curfew(and the enforcer thereof) won that round.
BUT, I unwound. I relaxed. I lit a candle, and meditated. I made a cup of green tea and read(I only had a trashy magazine, but at least I read…tonight it will be a book, I’ve packed one in my bag). And I seriously felt myself relax. Weirdly so.
Yeah, I have to stay up, but I also don’t have to be online…
So, I’m launching my own version of controlled crying. For my iphone. (it’s a thing.)
I’m accepting the e-curfew(the 10pm one for now, I don’t think I can quite breathe at the thought of a 9pm curfew), and I’m leaving my phone be… if it beeps an email notification, I’m just leaving it to beep. If it sings a little twitter song, I’m leaving it to sing. If it weeps for my attention, I’m leaving it to weep.
Harsh, but it’s time for some tough love. Isn’t that the deal?
So if you can’t find me online, and you hear my phone crying, that’s the deal. Leave it be.
[and if you see me online after curfew, feel free to yell at me…]